I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
