I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
