He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
