I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
