I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize