Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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