Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize