my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
