It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
