you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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