There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
lol hangovers are for mortals.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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