It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hippo gnu deer
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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