he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
