sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
