If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize