Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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