Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
