it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize