Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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