You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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