Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
