it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
