1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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