Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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