I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
