Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
