this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
