He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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