I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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