So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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