Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
