I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
