Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
