I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
