Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
