I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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