he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
