I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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