I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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