I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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