when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
