The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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