You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
