come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
