dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
