Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it glows. i had to have it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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