You smell like stripper and shame
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
