sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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