we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
