FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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