You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
