I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
