I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
