I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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