Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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