i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
