I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
