Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
