Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
