# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
