I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
