Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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