I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
