y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
