ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
