My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
