Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
