i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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