I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize