I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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