It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
