Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
