woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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