god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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