I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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