As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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