Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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