Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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