Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
