Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
