she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
