so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
