He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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