Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
