well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
her vagine was all disorganized.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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