I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
