I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize