You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
