The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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