Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
