cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
