I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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