Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
