i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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