i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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