You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
