Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
