u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
sarcasm needs its own font
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
