All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
