hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
