Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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