my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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